last day in office.

yes, it is my last day in the office. kaninang umaga nag text sa akin yung friend ko from other department saying farewell and wishing me goodluck on my new career and new job.
napaiyak ak as in tuloy tuloy luha ko, hindi ko mapigilan. 4yrs and 4months ko din sya nakasama dito sa medical city pero prior dun magkasama na din kme before sa meralco for 4 yrs.
isa sya sa mga mami-miss ko, kahapon naman nag txt din yung bestfriend ko dito sa opis na naunang nag resign sa akin, gusto nya na i-revoke ko yung resignation ko. sabi ko sa kanya hindi na buo na desisyon ko. naiyak din ako nung nai-txt ko sa kanya na "ikaw pa din ang bestfriend ko no matter what happen".

sana maging success ang desisyon na ginawa ko and sana maging masaya pa din yung mga kaopisina ko kahit wala na ako. sobrang mami-miss ko kayong lahat.

"In My Life"movie premiere

Last night I was invited by my friend to watch the premiere night of IN MY LIFE at SM Megamall. Sabi ng friend ko punta daw ako ng mega at around 8pm and dun na lang kami magkita. I decided to wait at Polo Locco sa ground floor ng mega and to keep me busy I just read my pocketbook. It was quarter to 9 nung magkita kme sa mega sabi nya galing pa sila sa Trinoma kse meron din movie premiere ng In My Life. He hand me this Press ID and told me to follow John Llloyd Cruz when he enters the mall. Grabe ang daming tao, sa labas ng mall at loob ng mall, around the escalator punong-puno walang akong masabi sa mga fans. Then here came John Lloyd so ako naman sunod-sunod lang sa likuran nya together with security grabe ang gwapo niya as in makalaglag panty. From ground floor to the cinema kasama ko sya even sa red carpet kasama ko sya maglakad. Feeling ko sobrang lucky ko na. Wala akong ibang marinig kundi tilian ng fans habang naglalakad kami going upstairs. Feeling ko artista na din ako na tinitilian ng fans. hehehe... Sayang nga lang I havent had the chance na magpa-picture with him kse dinumog na siya ng mga reporters. Then dumating na din si Ms. Vilma Santos, with her husband Sen. Ralph Recto, Luis Manzano and her youngest son. As I enter the cinema ganun pa din ang mga Vilmanians todo tilian and praises kay Ms. Vilma. Even fans ni John Lloyd and Luis Manzano ganun din.

What can I say About the movie? It's fantastic, never before seen story for a movie...
Sobrang ganda, yung movie trailer na napapanood natin sa TV kulang pa yun halos kalahati pa lang yun. There is more to reveal on the movie. Not to exaggerate pero ang totoo yung dala kong panyo basang-basa kakaiyak ko while watching the movie. Sobrang akong-ako. Panalong-panalo, Its a story about two gay couple living in New York and a mom who's migrating with them, struggling and trying to survive the life in New York. Basta madami pa I don't wanna elaborate more para may suspense. Sa movie matatawa ka, maiiyak ka at kakabahan ng bonggang bongga. The acting was superb, this shows how versatile John Lloyd. Yung batuhan ng linya nilang tatlo ang galing. Award winning ang movie same with the Actors and Actresses. I'm sure blockbuster movie ito.

Actually, I'm planning to watch it again together with my mom this coming Sunday at Galleria. Since she is a Vilmanian at the same time makaka-relate sya sa story sa mga nangyari sa akin and to my ex-lover na hindi nya pinaboran before. I just hope after mapanood ng mommy ko maintindihan nya ako ng lubusan and why do gay men exist in this world. And I know for sure magugustuhan din ng mommy ko ang story ng movie.

Paglabas ko ng movie house namamaga mga mata ko, as in lumobo kakaiyak sa movie. Nagka-mood swings tuloy ako, lungkot-lungkutan. Even here sa office when I came in sabi ng officemates ko namamaga daw mata ko. Sabi ko nanood kse ako ng premiere night kagabi ang sobrang dalang-dala ako sa story ang crayola to the max ako.

We'll nood na and see for yourself...

resignation letter

Dear Mrs. ******:

Yesterday I woke up and realized that this is the worst career experience I've ever had. Therefore, I'm officially notifying you of my resignation from ***. My last day will be today.

This company has many problems.

On top of that, I can't stand to work for you any longer. You, alone, have been a constant source of pain and suffering for me ever since I started this job. I can't understand how you made it this far in the professional community.

Today is a great day for me. I will never have to see, hear or listen to you ever again. Goodbye, and good-riddance!

Warmest Regards,

Cronwell

KIMMY DORA kambal sa kiyeme

last sept. 1, 2009 i was invited again to watch the celebrity premiere of KIMMY DORA at SM Megamall. After work I went straight to megamall to meet up my friend who had the ticket. It was so funny, nakakaloka ang kulit ni eugene domingo. this was a big break for eugene. dati-rati side kick lang sya ni Ai-ai pero ngayon lead star sya without any side kick. ang hirap kaya nun.
i hope kumita yung movie ni eugene and honestly hilarious talaga.

Star Magic Ball April 30, 2009

last april 30, 2009 I was invited by a friend from abs-cbn to attend the Star Magic Ball '09 sa Shangri-La Makati. so ako sama naman, here are the pics of my favorite artistas, nakakahiya man pero keri lang like ko naman talaga sila.

bad dreams

last night i had a bad dreams for the second time, sobrang weird and nakakatakot.
ang eksena ay I was enjoying watching movie in a theater and may biglang pinasok na kabaong sa loob ng sinehan, As in kabaong, so syempre naloka lahat ng tao sa sinehan, bakit ipapasok ang kabaong sa loob ng sinehan? di ba? then another scene was nasa isang bahay ako na hindi ko alam kung kanino, while I am cooking a meal para sa dalawang kaibigan ng ex-lover ko, inutusan ako nung isa na tawagan yung ex ko sa phone but, sabi ko later na lang, then biglang may pinasok na kabaong na naman sa house kung saan nagluluto ako, nagulat ako and nag panic, nakita ko yung nasa kabaong isang matandang lalaki na hindi ko kakilala may isang malaking heart shape na dahon na naka sapin sa leeg nya, pero before ako magsalita pinigilan ako nung isa na don't ask and point your finger in the coffin. He just told me dahon daw ng Magno yun. I dont understand and since I know I am only dreaming I force myself to wake up. Clear pa sa isip ko yung mukha nung nasa coffin. honestly, hindi ko talaga sya kilala and first time ko sya nakita.

here in the office I checked the meaning of my dreams:

dreammoods.com

Movie Theater
To dream that you are in a movie theater, indicates that you are attempting to protect yourself from your emotions and/or actions. Viewing them on a movie screen projects them onto another person and thus makes those feelings/actions distant . You may be protecting yourself from experiencing them

Coffin
To see a coffin in your dream, symbolizes the womb. It also signifies your thoughts and fears of death. If the coffin is empty, then it suggests that you are having some irreconcilable differences. Alternatively, the coffin represents ideas and habits that you are no longer of use and can be buried.

To see a body in a coffin, signifies that you are going through a period of depression. You may feel confined, restricted and that you are lacking personal freedom. There may be a dead or decaying situation or issue in your life that needs to be addressed. It is time to end this situation or relationship.

Leaves
To see leaves in your dream, signifies new found happiness and improvements in various aspects of your life. It is symbolic of fertility, growth and openness. Alternatively, leaves represent a passage of time. Depending on the color and type of leaf, the dream could be highlighting a certain period of time. The leaves may also be a metaphor suggesting to "leave" me alone.

To see brown or withered leaves in your dream, signifies fallen hopes, despair, sadness and loss. If you are sweeping or raking leaves, then it represents the end of a project, relationship or situation. It also signifies experience.

If anyone knows how to interpret this kindly message, thank you.

Sony PSP

I just won a Sony PSP last Sunday afternoon at SM SouthMall, actually meron silang event, launching ng WiFi ng buong mall. I was invited by a friend to accompany him on the said event. He asked me to register coz they have a raffle on the later part of the event. I wasn't expecting anything because I know hindi ako swerte sa mga ganitong klaseng raffle, as in never in whole life na nanalo ako sa raffle. Ay, meron pala sa ending when I was in grade 5. hehehe...
I was not nervous or anything wala din ako naramdaman na kaba na ako mabubunot sa raffle.
Luckily ako nga ang winner, sarap ng feeling overwhelming, pakiramdaman ko napakalaki ng premyo na nakuha ko. May pasalubong na din ako sa mga pamangkin ko kse they had been asking me to buy them a PSP.

special screening

Last night July 30, 2009 at Robinson's Galleria held the special screening of Little Boy Big Boy. Thanks to the writer Mr. Lex Bonife for the ticket I was able to watch the movie. Honestly the movie was great each and one of us can relate to the story. Actually I found myself crying in the middle of the movie. The directions was good Mr. J. Altarejos and hope we all support this movie. Keep it Up guys!

big boy premiere

Thanks for your interest in Big Boy

You get one free invite to the premiere. Just show up around 630pm at Galleria Cinema 5, Jul 30.

And text me at *********** on that day. thanks!

Lex Bonife
Screenwriter & Yoga Teacher

"The gay man is an affirmation of the complexity of the human being" (Lex Bonife)



_ Thank you Lex for the free invite, sino din sa inyo ang manonood ng premiere night. Please message me here para naman may kasama din ako manood.

the wedding

kasal ni charlie

kasal ni Albert Dalawa sa mga officemates ko ang kinasal this July '09 at syempre present ako para hindi naman sila magtampo. Yung una sa Vista Verde Country Club Cainta yung reception and yung pangalawa sa Lake Villa Resort Binangonan naman ang reception. Congrats and Best Wishes sa inyo. Live Happy and enjoy your married life.

bad mood

wala ako sa mood for the past 3 weeks. bumalik yung dati kong habit, 3am na ako natutulog ubos na din ang valium ko kelangan ko pa ulit magpa-reseta. hay...........
lahat ng bagay na nangyayari sa akin puro mali, mga hindi inaasahang gulo.
hindi sumasang-ayon ang panahon sa desisyon ko. lahat hindi tugma.

Job offer

It been quite a while since my last post, wala me sa mood magsulat as in everyday parang palaging may aberya. Madalas akong malungkot lalo na kapag bago matulog, napakarami kong iniisip at hindi ko maintindihan sarili ko kaya heto todo na naman eyebags ko sa laki at nangingitim kakapuyat. Meron me isang bagay na hindi ko mapagdesisyonan kung itutuloy ko ba or hindi. Ito yung pag aabroad noong Holy Week when I was in Bataan, may tumawag sa cp ko si Mr. Othman from Saudi, he told me that he got my application from a talent pool sa net. He conducted the interview thru phone and he's now hiring me for Executive Secretary position. At first natuwa ako, pero nung napag-isip isip ko parang natatakot yata ako.
Before when I was still in college, nauso yung mga technician sa Taiwan, siguro mga nakatatlong apply ako hindi ako makapasa-pasa sa final interview. Pero kung tutuusin mas naniniwala ako na qualified ako compared dun sa mga natanggap. May offer sa akin sa Saipan, ayaw naman ng mommy ko so wala din ako nagawa. Nag-aapply din ako as Front Desk Officer sa Fairmont Hotel ng Dubai, nag final interview kami sa Oakwood Hotel sa Makati and ang nag-interview sa akin yung Operations manager ng Hotel pumunta pa dito sa Pinas. Unfortunately hindi na naman ako natanggap. Nagpunta din ako sa POEA nag-apply, nakalimutan ko na kung anong work yun and after a year sumulat sila sa akin pinag-rereport para sa final submission ng requirements and interview na naman. Ito naman yung mga panahon na wala na akong gana mag-abroad sa mga failures and rejections na natanggap ko. Last year sabi ko sa sarili ko susunod ako dun sa dati kong officemate na nasa Abu Dhabi ngayon, bago matapos yung taon inayos ko yung transcript of records ko pina authenticate ko, red ribbon kung tawagin, renew ng passport, renew ng NBI and apply for Driver's License. Nag-ipon din ako ng konting pera and nag loan ako sa bank ng 60K para sa pamasahe and visa. Kung kelan ready na ako, eto naman ang Global Recession walang patumanggang tanggalan sa trabaho at unti-unti nagsasara yung mga opisina sa Abu Dhabi according dun sa dati kong officemate. So, kung ganun na nga ayokong mag take ng risk kse siguradong talo ako dito, Sabi nya baka mahirapan ako maghanap ng trabaho ang pag nag expire yung tourist visa ko kelangan mag-exit sa neighboring country so another gastos na naman and baka mapunta lang sa wala yung perang inutang ko. Buti na lang pwede ko pang revoke yung approved loan ko sa bank. pumayag naman sila kase may 2 month period na allowance silang binigay sa akin. Tapos ngayon yung recent na trabaho papunta naman ng Dammam, Saudi Arabia, yes gusto ko pero parang aatras yata ako, hindi na ganon kalakas loob ko compared noong mas bata pa ako. Gusto kong subukan pero nagdadalawang isip ako na baka may problema na naman na pwedeng maging dahilan sa di ko pag-alis. Natatakot ako sa rejection. I still don't know kung itutuloy ko pa ito, sa ngayon meron na akong request for medical exam sa SM Lazo clinic. Ewan hindi ko maintindihan sarili ko.

White Horse - Taylor Swift

Say you're sorry, that face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you

Holding on, the days drag on
Stupid girl, I should have known
I should have known

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to come around

Baby I was naive, got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
I had so many dreams about you and me
Happy endings, now I know

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to come around

And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now

And its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late to catch me now

Extra sa Commercial

last friday night June 12, I went to my friends house kila Gilbert sa mandaluyong. As usual inuman and walang humpay na kwentuhan. Maya-maya nag-txt sa kanya c Jaymie officemate nya from ELAN modelling agency, sabi nag-back out daw yung isang talent nilang batang lalaki. Tinanong naman ako ni Gilbert kung meron me pamangkin na age 5 to 7 years old boy sabi ko meron si JR. So ask nya agad kung pwede sya tomorrow morning 7:30am para mag extra sa commercial ng catsup. Sabi ko I'll ask first her mom kung pwede. After calling my sister, payag naman siya and para ma-experience naman daw ng bata malay mo madaanan siya ng camera makita pa sa tv. So payag na ang mommy nya yun nga lang ako ang yaya kasi may baby syang 3 months old syempre hindi naman pwedeng iwan yun. Natapos me makipag-inuman kay Gilbert around 1am and naka-uwi ako around 2am na. Diretso tulog agad kse dapat 5am gsing na ako kse sunduin ko pa si JR and biyahe pa kme sa location sa Pasay.

The following day, I woke up around 5:15am. Cleaned up Wacky and pinakain ko muna, took a bath and karipas na papunta sa house ng sister ko para sunduin si JR. Mga 6:20am na nang dumating ako sa house ng sister ko sabi ko mag-taxi na lang kami para umabot kami sa call time na 7:30am. Habang nasa taxi palagi kong tinatanong si JR kung nahihilo ba kasi baka magsuka. Sabi nya Tito saan ba tayo pupunta? at kaninong Birthday ba yun?. Anu daw? Natawa ako sabi ko sa Pasay tayo pupunta at hindi Birthday ang pupuntahan natin kundi shooting ng commercial. Tito anu yung Commercial? Ang commercial sa tagalog ay patalastas, ito yung napapanood mo sa tv kapag tapos na yung palabas. Katulad nung bulilit-bulilit, aarte kayo kung ano sasabihin nang director. Tumahimik lang si JR malamang naiintindihan nya naman ng kaunti yong paliwanag ko.

Sa kanto kung saan kakaliwa dapat ang taxi nakita ko na si Jaymie yung contact ko para sa commercial. So, bumaba na rin kami ni JR at naglakad na lang patungong Revolver Studio kung saan gagawin ang shooting. Dumating kami on time then may nakahain na agad sa breakfast para sa amin. Eat muna ng konti pakondisyon sa bata, kung anu gusto nya binibigay ko para hindi mag-tantrums later on.

Start na ng shooting binihisan ko na sya ng pang school uniform na binigay ng staff kasi ang set up nila nasa classroom sila. Mas excited yata ako kaysa kay JR, lumabas ang pagiging stage uncle ko. Nakakapagod kasi paulit-ulit yung takes pero mukha namang nag-eenjoy silang mga kids sa ginagawa nila. Alas dose na ng tanghali hindi pa din tapos ang shooting, break muna 1 hour para makakain and konting rest ang mga bata then shoot ulit ng hanggang 3pm sa wakas tapos na din at makaka-uwi na kami. Talent Fee nga pala ni JR is 1K, not bad.

DIVA - Beyonce

I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a, a diva

I'm a, I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a, a diva
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a

Na, na, na, diva is a female version of a hustla
Of a hustla, of a, of a hustla
Na, na, na, diva is a female version of a hustla
Of a hustla, of a, of a hustla

Stop the track, let me state facts
I told you give me a minute and I'll be right back
Fifty million round the world
And they said that I couldn't get it

I done got so sick and filthy with Benji's, I can't spend
How you gone be talkin' shit?
You act like I just got up in it
Been the number one diva in this game for a minute

I know you read the paper
The one that they call a queen
Every radio round the world know me
'Cause that's where I be

I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a, a diva

I'm a, I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a, a diva
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a

Na, na, na, diva is a female version of a hustla
Of a hustla, of a, of a hustla
Na, na, na, diva is a female version of a hustla
Of a hustla, of a, of a hustla

When he pull up, wanna pop my hood up
Bet he better have a six pack in the cooler
Getting money, divas getting money
If you ain't getting money then you ain't got nothing for me

Tell me somethin' where your boss at?
Where my ladies up in there that like to talk back
I wanna see ya, I'd like to meet cha
What you said, she ain't no diva

Na, na, na, diva is a female version of a hustla
Of a hustla, of a, of a hustla
Na, na, na, diva is a female version of a hustla
Of a hustla, of a, of a hustla

Since fifteen in my stilettos been struttin' in this game
What's your age? Was the question they asked when I hit the stage
I'm a diva, best believe her, you see her, she getting paid
She ain't callin' him to greet her, don't need him, her bed's made

This is a stick up, stick up
I need them bags, uh, that money
A stick up, stick up
You see them ask, where that money?

All my ladies get it up
I see you, I do the same
Take it to another level
No passengers on my plane

I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a, a diva

This is a stick, up stick up
I need them bags, uh, that money
Stick up, stick up
You see them ask where that money

Na, na, na, diva is a female version of a hustla
Of a hustla, of a, of a hustla
Na, na, na, diva is a female version of a hustla
Of a hustla, of a, of a hustla

I'm a, a diva, I'm a, I'm a, a diva
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, I'm a, I'm a, a diva
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, I'm a, I'm a, a diva
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, I'm a, I'm a, a diva

I'm a, I'm a, a diva, I'm a, I'm a, a diva
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, I'm a, I'm a, a diva
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, I'm a, I'm a, a diva
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, I'm a, I'm a, a diva, hey

My baby

i miss my baby wacko. we used to sleep together kaya lang napupuyat ako, malikot kse matulog sa kama and nanggigising sa madaling araw para mag pee. kaya dun muna sya sa terrace. matagal tagal na din and pinagsamahan namin ni wacko more than two years na. Nandyan yung time na sobrang malungkot ako pati siya ganun din nararamdaman nya. kung anu nararamdaman ko ganun din sya. dinadamayan ako pati ang hindi ko pagkain hindi din siya kakain, ginigutom nya din sarili nya. nandyan yung time na wala akong makausap siya lang palagi ang nasa tabi ko. nasanay na nga din ako na uminom ng beer na sya lang kasama eh, si wacko naman namumulutan din. next week promise ko sayo tabi na ulit tayo matulog. miss na kase kita.

History Repeats Itself

I was in a bad mood two weeks ago, as in sobra para akong sasabog sa kabwisitan gusto ko syang banatan, sapakin at patumbahin sa opisina nya para ipamukha sa kanya kung sino kinakatalo nya.

He used to be one of my bestbud dito sa company, eventhough magka-iba kami ng department we make it a point na every lunch time nagkikita kami para magyosi and kuwentuhan or kung hindi naman chikahan sa telepono. Matagal na din kami magkakilala since 2001, we first met dun sa isang company kung saan mag-officemates naman kami. I believe I treated him very well, lahat lahat ginawa ko kase nga were bestbuds. Sa gimik, sa trabaho, personal problems I'm always there to listen and helped him. Kaya hindi ko maintindihan inspite of me being helpful and dependable friend eh tataluhin ng kaibigan.

Nag-away na din kami dahil sa isang lalaki when we were in the other company. I had this prospect and he has his own also. Malaman-laman ko na lang na nagda-date na pala sila nung prospect ko. Ano ito sulutan? Initial reaction was ok lang pero in the process hindi pala. So, hindi ko na siya pinansin and it took us several months na hindi nag-uusap. All of our friends were saying na lalaki lang yan and ang lumalabas na may kasalanan ako pa, kasi ako yung ayaw makipag-ayos sa kanya. Since nanghihinayang ako sa friendship and sa pinagsamahan namin, nagkabati din kami. I ask him na mag-inuman ang forget about everything.

Until last March, I again had this prospect and he knows how I like the person so much. But, ganun pa din parehong-pareho style, same strategies, same ways. The guy was texting me and telling me that my friend was texting him. So to my dismay, I kept distance to both of them. I don't want complications and confusions kaya pinabayaan ko na lang sila, I don't know kung naging sila nga or whatever. Well, history repeats itself. ika nga
At first nag-uusap pa kami ng used to be bestbud ko pero siguro naramdam nya cold na ako. I try my best na maging civil and not to comment or talk about the issue. Until one day, hindi na rin sya nagpaparamdam, he never text me, he never visit and pick me up here in the office para magyosi. So, nagtanong yung bestfriend-officemate kong girl kung what happened. I just told her lahat, I think naintindihan nya ako. Even, sa lahat ng kakilala namin sa company was asking what happened. I just told them nothing, nagkaroon lang kami ng misunderstanding period.
So ako, cool lang ako sa office pero syempre deep inside sobrang disappointed and masama loob ko sa ginawa nya. Pero tahimik lang ako.

Days passes, I've been hearing not good things about me na galing sa kanya. Nagco-comment sya sa mga kaopisina ko, syempre ikukuwento nila sa akin at napapahiya ako. Ako naman palagi kong sinasabi na wala yun, magkaka-ayos din kami soon. Never akong nagsalita about the real issue or anything againts him sa lahat ng nakakakilala sa amin except sa officemate ko lang na gurl na nasasaktan ako sa mga sinasabi nya. As if, sa dami-dami ng narinig ko at patutsada nya hindi na kami magkaka-ayos pa.
Even sa manager nya nagkukuwento siya. Sabi ng manager nya na wag daw namin pagtalunan ang iisang lalaki, napakaraming fishes daw in the ocean. Hindi pa din ako nagsalita pero sa isip-isip ko bakit ganun kung anu yung gusto kong isda pilit nya ginugusto din. Mukha na namang masama ako kase ako yung pinagsasabihan.
Hanggang sa nakatanggap ng txt message yung bestfriend kong gurl coming from him, na nagco-comment na naman ng hindi maganda. Pinabasa sa akin syempre, hindi muna ako nag-react tumahimik lang ako. Sabi ni gurl himala wala daw akong reaction, ang hindi nya lang alam kumukulo na ang dugo ko nagtitimpi lang ako. Sa sobrang galit ko gusto ko talagang sugurin sya sa opisina niya, magkapahiyaan na, gusto ko siyang gulpuhin, hanggang sa sinabihan ko yung mga officemate ko na wag siyang magpapakita at sasalubong sa dadaanan ko kundi uupakan ko talaga siya. Lahat takang taka sinabi ko na lang masyadong matalim dila niya.
Nag text ako sa kanya "HOY P.I. KA INAANO BA KITA, KUNG ANU-ANONG KUMENTO NARIRINIG KO SAYO BAKA GUSTO MU SUGURIN KITA OPISINA MU AT MAKITA MU HINAHANAP MU." finally nagsalita din ako.
Galit na galit ako pero nagpipigil ako kasi kilala ko sarili ko baka kung anu magawa ko sa kanya.
Ewan ko lang kung makuha pa nyang magkumento na laban sa akin. Takot lang nya.

Last Sunday morning binisita ako ng elementary friend ko sa bahay, as usual walang humpay na kwentuhan hanggang sa kamustahin nya yung common friend namin. Naikwento ko sa kanya lahat ng nangyayari at naalala ko nangyari din pala sa kanya ito last January. Kaya mas lalong napasarap kwentuhan namin. Hanggang sa ma-realized ko na lahat ng gusto ko mapa-bagay man, lugar, or pangarap ko sa buhay ginagaya niya at dun ko naintindihan na pati pagpili ko sa lalaki eh ginugusto din nya. In short nai-inggit pala sya sa akin. How pathetic he is.
Nanghihinayang ako sa pingasamahan namin. Yung unang insidente pinagbigyan ko na, ngunit sa pangalawang pagkakataon ayoko na. Abusado naman sya.

Tao lang po marunong din magpatawad pero hindi kayang lumimot.

A(H1N1)

There are 8 suspected and 1 confirmed patient with A(H1N1) here at the hospital. Scary, so I have to wear a surgical mask and to take vitamins regularly to strengthen my immune system.

I had a bad dreams

Last night napanaginipan ko, may mga taong pilit binubuksan yung pinto ng bahay namin and sa tingin ko mga magnanakaw sila. takot na takot ako at nagmadali akong isara at i-double lock yung pinto and nagsisisigaw ako sa bintana na halos mamaos ako. humihingi ako ng tulong sa kapitbahay pero parang walang nakakarinig sa akin. I feel helpless sa panaginip ko hanggang sa umalis na lang yung mga magnanakaw kase hindi din sila makapasok.

Heto, yung na search ko sa net interpretation of dreams, totoo ba ito? what do think?

From www.dreammoods.com

Burglary
To dream that you have been burglarized, indicates that you are feeling violated. You feel helpless in some situation. This could be due to a major change in your life. The dream may also occur as a result of being burglarized in real life and symptom of post traumatic stress.

Scream
To dream that you are screaming, symbolizes anger and fear. It is an expression of your powerful emotions which you have kept pent up inside. If you try to scream, but no sound comes out, then it indicates your sense of helplessness and frustrations in some situation. No matter how hard you try to get someone's attention, they cannot hear you. It highlights your difficulty in communicating with this person. You need to immediately identify your fears or feelings and confront this situation in real life.

Scared
To dream that you are scared, indicates that you are experiencing self-doubt and feelings of incompetence in your waking life. You may be feeling a lack of control. Perhaps you are having second thoughts about a decision you have made. Anger often masquerades as fear, so also consider issues about which you are angry about in your waking life.

Just a Memories

June 2, 2009

It is suppose to be our 2^nd year Anniversary today. But, unfortunately were not together anymore to celebrate this day. Sigh….

The first time I bumped into him was at the mall, my knees are shaking and I couldn’t bring myself to speak - just a nod in recognition. Truth is, I have a lot I want to say. I know it’s too impossible to bring back what was once was. Again, we accidentally see each other at a bar, my feeling was okay but to him, he looks at me as if I was a stranger. I don’t know if he’s bitter, but I guess.

Yes, I admit until now I still misses him. I miss everything about him, especially during those moments were together I think maybe it’s because of the memories. I know by now I’ve already moved on and honestly it was too difficult for me because I was the one who’s left behind. I’ve done so many things to cover up the heartaches and to start my life being back to normal and single again. As I surpass loneliness, emptiness, sleepless nights, and sorrow. Now I can say to myself I’m whole again and I’m back to who I’m really is.

PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME - PINK

Please Don't Leave Me lyrics

Da da da da, da da da da
Da da da, da da
Da da da, da da

I don't know if I can yell any louder
How many time I've kicked you outta here?
Or said something insulting?
Da da da, da da

I can be so mean when I wanna be
I am capable of really anything
I can cut you into pieces
But my heart is broken
Da da da, da da

Please don't leave me
Please don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this
Please, don't leave me

How did I become so obnoxious?
What is it with you that makes me act like this?
I've never been this nasty
Da da da, da da

Can't you tell that this is all just a contest?
The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest
But baby I don't mean it
I mean it, I promise
Da da da, da da

Please don't leave me
Oh please don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this
Please, don't leave me

I forgot to say out loud how beautiful you really are to me
I cannot be without, you're my perfect little punching bag
And I need you, I'm sorry
Da da da, da da

Da da da da, da da da da
Da da da, da da
Please, please don't leave me
(Da da da, da da)

Baby please don't leave me
(Da da da, da da)
No, don't leave me
Please don't leave me no no no

You say I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back
It's gonna come right back to this
Please, don't leave me

Please don't leave me, oh no no no.
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this

Please don't leave me
Baby, please, please don't leave me

Red Horse MUSIKLABAN

Two weeks ago, when I got home nag text pamangkin ko sa akin.

Trix: t2 anu gwa m? r u free 2nyt?
Cron: bukit? san tayo gogora?
Trix: dyan lng s Super 8, mern musiklaban naun.
Cron: Go! call me sa haus

Nagkita kme ng pamangkin sa kanto ng countryside, then diresto na sa beer fest. kasama din namin c Mrancey pero andun sya sa mga tropa nya.





1 cup of Red Horse is equal to 1 beer stub, to be able to have a Musiklaban T-shirt, you have to get 15 beer stub. Sa request ni Mrancey na magkaroon anu pa nga ba kundi ako ang nag-sponsor.
Sarap talaga ng Red Horse. Medyo konsintidor din akong tito. ok lang sa akin ang uminom and mag-yosi as long as kasama ako. in fairness, maraming band na nag perform pero isa lang ang natandaan ko yung nag finale Kamikaze, sobrang galing nila and so funny.

bj tantoco

browsing the net i found his pic, BJ Tantoco. actually hinanap ko talaga sya. Kanina sa office after my seminar sa HRD paglabas ko ng door sakto sya nakasalubong ko. Saktong-sakto in my face nagkatinginan kme and no reaction ako, pati rin sya, pero deep inside halos malaglag panty ko, bigla akong kinabahan na hindi ko maintindihan. crush na crush ko talaga sya ewan ko ba. pinauna ko sya maglakad nasa likod nya ako basta hindi ako nakapagsalita, umurong dila ko at parang napipi ako kahit "Hi" man lang hindi ko nabanggit.
Pag-akyat ko sa office naikwento ko sa officemate kong gurl na si Raine, ayun tawang-tawa. umuurong daw balls ko kapag nakikita sya napupunta sa leeg ko, haller wala akong goiter. tsaka sabi nya kapag nakasalubong namin hihiyain nya daw ako and ipapa-kausap. then nag-aya sya mag-cr sumama naman ako. habang nagkwekwentuhan kme about BJ papuntang cr, sakto biglang lumitaw si BJ sa harapan namin ni Raine, napa-urong ako, at biglang namula buong mukha ko. tapos biglang kinapitan ni raine yung braso ko para hindi ako makawala. tumalikod ako bigla at naghilahan kme papalayo kay BJ. nakahihiya sobrang obvious. basta nagtago ako dahil alam ko ang gagawin ni Raine sa akin hihiyain nya ako or ewan ko kung ano gagawin nya.
Bakit ganun hindi ako makaharap sa kanya ng diretso, or kahit kausapin sya siguro dahil crush na crush ko sya.
masyadong sweet noh at sobrang lambot parang cotton candy, pa feeling 16 years old. haaayyyyy.... kumpleto na naman araw ko.

Valium

Generic Name: diazepam (dye AZ e pam)
Brand Names: Valium

Valium is in a group of drugs called benzodiazepines. It affects chemicals in the brain that may become unbalanced and cause anxiety.

Valium is used in the management of anxiety disorders. It may also be used to treat agitation, shakiness, and hallucinations during alcohol withdrawal and to relieve certain types of muscle pain.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

i called up my doctor's clinic early this afternoon for a consultation but unfortunately the secretary told me that my doctor was out of the country and be back on June 2. Bad Trip, wala na akong gamot. yes im taking valium because i'm having a sleep disorder. Sobrang laki na ng eyebags ko and i look haggard sa office, due to sleepless nights and i believe its insomnia.

I browse the net and checked what's the use of valium. Harsh naman, ang tinitira pala nito utak and this medicine is given for people who have anxiety disorders. Yes loka-loka ako pero im not baliw, matino pa naman pag-iisip ko. Anyways, i will still continue taking this kase it helps me alot. Bahala na...

Pantene commercial

wala lang gusto ko lang i-share, e-mail sa akin ng friend ko.

salamat nga pla sa may-ari nitong clip

If I Should Love Again

Oh my love
You were the only one
Now you're gone and I'm alone
All my friends
They say what's done is done
I pretend
But deep inside I know

Chorus:
If I should love again
If I find someone new
It would be make-believe
For in my heart
It would be you
And thought I hold her close
And want her now and then
I'll still be loving you
If I should love again

All day long
I keep remembering
All the night
I think of you
All my life
You'll be the song I sing
I'll get by
But this I swear is true

(repeat chorus)

Adlib

(repeat chorus)
If I should love again
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

one of my favorite songs,
yan yung question ko sa sarili ko. If I should love again.
I dont know pero 1 year and 2 months na din ako single. wala pa akong makilalang matino.
cguro hintay lang muna ako.

WEEKEND

Saturday afternoon walang magawa sa bahay so I called up my friend Anthony para makipagkita mabuti na lang he was in the area of Cubao at Arayat. birthday ng Aunt nya sabi nya punta daw ako. nahihiya naman ako kase puro relatives nya yung nandun. but then sabi nya andun din daw barkada nya na c harvey at hector sabi ko na lang sa Gateway na lang tayo meet up after nyo dyan.
Around 630pm I was already at the mall when we meet up sa area ng food court. ang daming PLU as in, mukhang mga clan yata yun at ang babata pa. i asked anthony na gumimik with his friends but then hindi sila pwedeng dalawa yung isa pupuntahan yung lover nya and yung isa maaga daw gising tomorrow kse may laro sila ng badminton. so kme na lang ni anthony he asked me kung gusto ko manood ng mossimo bikini finals night ayoko i just want to drink lang. corny naman kung kmeng dalawa lang so sabi ko sa haus na lang niya and magtawag sya ng mga barkada nya magpapainom na lang ako. So natuloy nga sa haus nya with 3 of his friends, Mark, kenneth and Vince. Nagpabili na ako ng Red Horse and ayun inuman na. I miss my friend Anthony I was 15 when we became friend high school pala ako nun and he was in college sa Pasig magkapit-bahay kami before. Tawanan, chikahan and kariran.... I dont know pero I was not in the mood that night para sa karir. Inumpisahan ni Mark na katabi ko sa bangko, he is cute and medyo naughty. pinangalawahan naman ni Kenneth, maputi at gwapo. I dont remember what happened that night sobrang laseng kse ako. Around 3am na ako nakatulog

The next day while I was having a coffee sabi ni Anthony, his officemate texted him informing that he is in charge of having an interview with Kris Aquino for VIP Pass for her new album We are 1. He asked me if I wanted to come with him.
Yes, sumama nga ako and I told him I wanna watch ASAP 09.


I enjoyed the show and yung mga crush ko na artista I saw them in person. Naiinis ako kse hindi ko dala yung digicam ko para mas malinaw yung pic, cp lang kse gamit ko eh. maybe next time and mapapa-picture pa ako with some of the artista i like kahit sabihin nyong ka-cheapan.
hehehe. After the show nagpa-interview na si Kris Aquino dun sa dressing room nya. Manonood pa sana kme ng The Buzz pero gusto ko nang umuwi and masakit ulo ni Anthony mukhang may hang over pa.

Divisoria and Quiapo Manila

168 Mall

Yesterday nag leave ako from work. wala lang tinamad na naman ako pumasok sa trabaho, feeling ko I need a break. I need a break pero hindi naman ako nagpahinga. Nagpunta ako sa Divisoria and Quiapo mag-isa. Around 11:25 am ako umalis ng bahay. Sinubukan ko sumakay ng MRT line 2 from Santolan Station to Recto, honestly excited ako kase bibihira lang ako sumakay ng MRT atsaka natutuwa ako kapag binabanggit na ang station ng Betty Go - Belmonte. Habang bumabiyahe inorasan ko from Santolan Station to Recto Station inabot ng 25 minutes hindi naman ako naiinip. So sakay pa ng isang jeep to Divisoria, nakarating ako ng Divisoria aroung 12:30nn kasama na dyan ang dalawang sakay ko pa ng jeep nung papunta pa lang akong MRT. as usual diretso agad sa 168 Mall kung saan mas gamay ko ang tawaran. wala akong ibang tinarget kundi ang pamimili ng bag sabi din kse ng officemate kong gurl ibili ko din daw sya ng bag. Una kong inikot ang 1st flr canvass ng mga bags at nakikipag tawaran, una kong hinanap ang favorite kong designer bag na Louis Vuitton. Adik ako sa LV mapa wallet, purse, bags, card holder, cigar case, passport holder, check holder at kugn anu-ano pa. basta may tatak ng LV ok na sa akin yun. yun nga lang fake lahat ng LV ko, mahal kse ang original at can't afford pa ako. siguro kapag sobra-sobra na ang pera ko tsaka na pa lang ako makakabili ng original.
Sa wakas nakahanap din ako ng like ko na LV bag. Sunod ko naman na inakyat ang 2nd floor hanap pa din ako ng bags. ang mga nabili ko sa 168 Mall, 5 bags...LV, 2 Coach,Tous, brandless brown bag. Sobrang mura ng bags lalo na kung marunong kang makipag-tawaran syempre gumana yung charm ko dun at nakuha ko yung mga gusto kong bag sa reasonable na price. It cost me 1,220 para sa limang bags. O diba sobrang mura.
Mga 3:20 ng hapon ng makaramdam ako ng gutom, tsaka ko naalala na hindi pa pala ako nag lunch. Sabi ko na lang sa sarili ko sa Quiapo Jollibee na lang ako kakain. So alis na ako agad and lakad patungong sakayan ng jeep patungnong recto.


Isetan Recto

after ko sumakay ng jeep bumaba ako sa likod ng Isetan Recto, at dun ko sinimulan kong maglakad papuntang Quiapo. Habang naglalakad ako napakarami kong naiisip at naalala.
Honestly, napaka liberating ng araw na yun para sa akin, na ako lang mag-isa bumiyahe at namasyal, hindi ko iniintindi ang oras, hindi ako nagmamadali, at hindi ako nagaalala. ni hindi ko inalala na nasa ibang lugar ako at baka mapahamak ako. Naalala ko tuloy nung college days ko, na ang ugali ko ay mag malling mag-isa, manood ng movie mag-isa, at kumain mag-isa sa kahit sang foodchain.

Quiapo Church

Hanggang sa marating ko ang Quiapo, pasok muna sa simbahan nagdasal at nagpasalamat. pagkatapos diretso na ulit sa mga pasilyo ng Carriedo na madalas kong bilhan ng mga bag. Napa-isip ako hindi ko pa pala nabibilhan ang officemate ko ng bag. Ang hirap kse pumili ng bag para sa kanya, kse ang number 1 issue dapat matibay yung handle. Bakit? kse kapag sinubukan mong buhatin ang bag na gamit nya mapapatanong ka na ano bang laman nito at napaka-bigat. Ewan ko ba at parang tool box yung bag nya sa bigat at lahat ng bag nya nasisira yung handle. 2nd issue dapat maganda, ang hirap pumili kse napakaraming magandang bag at yung durability issue dapat i-consider. Sa kaka-ikot ko nakahanap din ako ng 2 bags para sa kanya Coach and Prada. Taray diba worth 570. Shopaholic! Tsaka pa lang ako kumain ng burger steak sa Jollibee. Around 5:45 na ako ng sumakay ng G-Liner pauwi pinili ko ng mag bus kahit mabagal ang byahe pero comfortable naman at isang sakay lang, pagbaba ko tatawid na lang and konting lakad lang nasa bahay na ako. mga 7:50 na ako nakarating ng bahay.

Sana magawa ko ulit ito na ako lang mag-isa.