Just a Memories

June 2, 2009

It is suppose to be our 2^nd year Anniversary today. But, unfortunately were not together anymore to celebrate this day. Sigh….

The first time I bumped into him was at the mall, my knees are shaking and I couldn’t bring myself to speak - just a nod in recognition. Truth is, I have a lot I want to say. I know it’s too impossible to bring back what was once was. Again, we accidentally see each other at a bar, my feeling was okay but to him, he looks at me as if I was a stranger. I don’t know if he’s bitter, but I guess.

Yes, I admit until now I still misses him. I miss everything about him, especially during those moments were together I think maybe it’s because of the memories. I know by now I’ve already moved on and honestly it was too difficult for me because I was the one who’s left behind. I’ve done so many things to cover up the heartaches and to start my life being back to normal and single again. As I surpass loneliness, emptiness, sleepless nights, and sorrow. Now I can say to myself I’m whole again and I’m back to who I’m really is.

bj tantoco

browsing the net i found his pic, BJ Tantoco. actually hinanap ko talaga sya. Kanina sa office after my seminar sa HRD paglabas ko ng door sakto sya nakasalubong ko. Saktong-sakto in my face nagkatinginan kme and no reaction ako, pati rin sya, pero deep inside halos malaglag panty ko, bigla akong kinabahan na hindi ko maintindihan. crush na crush ko talaga sya ewan ko ba. pinauna ko sya maglakad nasa likod nya ako basta hindi ako nakapagsalita, umurong dila ko at parang napipi ako kahit "Hi" man lang hindi ko nabanggit.
Pag-akyat ko sa office naikwento ko sa officemate kong gurl na si Raine, ayun tawang-tawa. umuurong daw balls ko kapag nakikita sya napupunta sa leeg ko, haller wala akong goiter. tsaka sabi nya kapag nakasalubong namin hihiyain nya daw ako and ipapa-kausap. then nag-aya sya mag-cr sumama naman ako. habang nagkwekwentuhan kme about BJ papuntang cr, sakto biglang lumitaw si BJ sa harapan namin ni Raine, napa-urong ako, at biglang namula buong mukha ko. tapos biglang kinapitan ni raine yung braso ko para hindi ako makawala. tumalikod ako bigla at naghilahan kme papalayo kay BJ. nakahihiya sobrang obvious. basta nagtago ako dahil alam ko ang gagawin ni Raine sa akin hihiyain nya ako or ewan ko kung ano gagawin nya.
Bakit ganun hindi ako makaharap sa kanya ng diretso, or kahit kausapin sya siguro dahil crush na crush ko sya.
masyadong sweet noh at sobrang lambot parang cotton candy, pa feeling 16 years old. haaayyyyy.... kumpleto na naman araw ko.

If I Should Love Again

Oh my love
You were the only one
Now you're gone and I'm alone
All my friends
They say what's done is done
I pretend
But deep inside I know

Chorus:
If I should love again
If I find someone new
It would be make-believe
For in my heart
It would be you
And thought I hold her close
And want her now and then
I'll still be loving you
If I should love again

All day long
I keep remembering
All the night
I think of you
All my life
You'll be the song I sing
I'll get by
But this I swear is true

(repeat chorus)

Adlib

(repeat chorus)
If I should love again
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

one of my favorite songs,
yan yung question ko sa sarili ko. If I should love again.
I dont know pero 1 year and 2 months na din ako single. wala pa akong makilalang matino.
cguro hintay lang muna ako.

carlo boytoy

my crush, i remember way back year 2007, me and my ex bf went at F and while on the dance floor as usual selos issue nakita ko kase yung dating barkada ko na galing sa taiwan si Awid na nag board sa haus namin before. the usual beso-beso ang konting kurot and yakap kse ng matagal kaming hindi nagkita, ayun dinedma na ako ni ex jowa pumunta sya dun sa set of friends nya and naiwan ako ako mag-isa sa bar. buti na lang nakita ko yung friend niya si Jackie and nakipag kwentuhan sa akin s bar. as i seeing my ex lover afar napansin ko may magaling sumayaw dun sa ledge and nakaharap sa akin. he smiled then i smiled back. lumapit sya and kinausap si Jackie tinanong pangalan ko sa kanya. sabay sabi lover yan ni ---- sabay turo dun sa malayo. Sagot naman niya, Im asking for his name and not his lover's name. So, pinakilala na ako ni Jackie sa kanya. Carlo nga pala, sabay shake hands. im Cron...
bumalik na sya dun sa dance floor tapos keep on dancing na i dont know kung nagpapa-impress. ganda ko naman di ba????? pabalik-balik sya sa bar kung nasan ako then a little chat. so ako naman pakipot konti and napa-isip ako hindi naman kagandahan suot ko tsaka i dont feel na maganda ako that night pero parang nama-magnet ko sya or baka laseng yata sya kaya ako kinukulit. lumapit ulit sya and biglang may pinasa sa kamay ko sabay sabi "txt mu ako ha" number pala nya so ako naman para hindi ma obvious nilagay ko lang sa likod na bulsa ng pants ko.
Tapos bigla lumapit na si ex bf, sabay sbi uwi na tayo. ako naman dedma lang uwi na din ako hindi na din ako nagpaalam sa kanya.
The following day nabanggit ko kay ex na ganda pala katawan ni Carlo, tanong nya crush mo na? sabay sagot ng matigas na, "Hindi ah!" pero kinikilig ako nung sinabi ko na hindi. sabay sabi nya hindi ako naniniwala naku taeng-tae ka nga nung kinakausap ka nya.
the following day nag txt na ako kay carlo, pero bago lahat sinabi ko sa kanya na may lover na ako and sya din may lover. naging mag txtmate kme pero ako na din ang umiwas kse ayoko pagsimulan ng away. kapag nagkikita kme sa mall or even gimikan dedmahan pero isa sa amin magttxt na "uy, i saw u with him" pertaining to our lovers. so si ex naman aasarin ako ng ayun yung crush mo oh, kasama yung lover nya, uy kinikilig. ako naman kunwari hindi.
hanggang sa naputol na din communication namin ni Carlo. Last year December we went at Bed bar Malate with friends, and there I saw him dancing. so ako lapit sa kanya and nung may chance kinausap ko sya. Hi and Hello lang kse daming tao. KAinis! sya naman nagpa hard to get.
I dont know if he stills remember me pero mukhang hindi na nga.
One day as I was waiting at the elevator nakita ko siya, nagkatinginan lang kami and minumukhaan namin isa't-isa. As, I approach the my floor dun na ako nag txt sa kanya na I saw u at the elevator. reply naman nya bakit hindi mo ako kinausap? wala lang nahiya ako eh. dito na pala sya nagco-cover.
Ewan ko ba kinikilig pa din ako kapag nakikita ko sya. There was also a time na nagkasabay kme sa bus going home. kahit malamig yung aircon ng bus, pinagpapawisan naman ako. hindi ko pa din sya pinansin, ewan ko ba nag-iinarte ako eh hindi naman ako kagandahan.
I dont know how to approach him. hindi ko alam kung paano and ano sasabihin. pustahan mabubulol pa ako kapag nagka-usap kme.
Siguro hanggang crush na lang talaga.....