Job offer

It been quite a while since my last post, wala me sa mood magsulat as in everyday parang palaging may aberya. Madalas akong malungkot lalo na kapag bago matulog, napakarami kong iniisip at hindi ko maintindihan sarili ko kaya heto todo na naman eyebags ko sa laki at nangingitim kakapuyat. Meron me isang bagay na hindi ko mapagdesisyonan kung itutuloy ko ba or hindi. Ito yung pag aabroad noong Holy Week when I was in Bataan, may tumawag sa cp ko si Mr. Othman from Saudi, he told me that he got my application from a talent pool sa net. He conducted the interview thru phone and he's now hiring me for Executive Secretary position. At first natuwa ako, pero nung napag-isip isip ko parang natatakot yata ako.
Before when I was still in college, nauso yung mga technician sa Taiwan, siguro mga nakatatlong apply ako hindi ako makapasa-pasa sa final interview. Pero kung tutuusin mas naniniwala ako na qualified ako compared dun sa mga natanggap. May offer sa akin sa Saipan, ayaw naman ng mommy ko so wala din ako nagawa. Nag-aapply din ako as Front Desk Officer sa Fairmont Hotel ng Dubai, nag final interview kami sa Oakwood Hotel sa Makati and ang nag-interview sa akin yung Operations manager ng Hotel pumunta pa dito sa Pinas. Unfortunately hindi na naman ako natanggap. Nagpunta din ako sa POEA nag-apply, nakalimutan ko na kung anong work yun and after a year sumulat sila sa akin pinag-rereport para sa final submission ng requirements and interview na naman. Ito naman yung mga panahon na wala na akong gana mag-abroad sa mga failures and rejections na natanggap ko. Last year sabi ko sa sarili ko susunod ako dun sa dati kong officemate na nasa Abu Dhabi ngayon, bago matapos yung taon inayos ko yung transcript of records ko pina authenticate ko, red ribbon kung tawagin, renew ng passport, renew ng NBI and apply for Driver's License. Nag-ipon din ako ng konting pera and nag loan ako sa bank ng 60K para sa pamasahe and visa. Kung kelan ready na ako, eto naman ang Global Recession walang patumanggang tanggalan sa trabaho at unti-unti nagsasara yung mga opisina sa Abu Dhabi according dun sa dati kong officemate. So, kung ganun na nga ayokong mag take ng risk kse siguradong talo ako dito, Sabi nya baka mahirapan ako maghanap ng trabaho ang pag nag expire yung tourist visa ko kelangan mag-exit sa neighboring country so another gastos na naman and baka mapunta lang sa wala yung perang inutang ko. Buti na lang pwede ko pang revoke yung approved loan ko sa bank. pumayag naman sila kase may 2 month period na allowance silang binigay sa akin. Tapos ngayon yung recent na trabaho papunta naman ng Dammam, Saudi Arabia, yes gusto ko pero parang aatras yata ako, hindi na ganon kalakas loob ko compared noong mas bata pa ako. Gusto kong subukan pero nagdadalawang isip ako na baka may problema na naman na pwedeng maging dahilan sa di ko pag-alis. Natatakot ako sa rejection. I still don't know kung itutuloy ko pa ito, sa ngayon meron na akong request for medical exam sa SM Lazo clinic. Ewan hindi ko maintindihan sarili ko.

White Horse - Taylor Swift

Say you're sorry, that face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you

Holding on, the days drag on
Stupid girl, I should have known
I should have known

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to come around

Baby I was naive, got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
I had so many dreams about you and me
Happy endings, now I know

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you and your white horse, to come around

And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now

And its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late to catch me now

Extra sa Commercial

last friday night June 12, I went to my friends house kila Gilbert sa mandaluyong. As usual inuman and walang humpay na kwentuhan. Maya-maya nag-txt sa kanya c Jaymie officemate nya from ELAN modelling agency, sabi nag-back out daw yung isang talent nilang batang lalaki. Tinanong naman ako ni Gilbert kung meron me pamangkin na age 5 to 7 years old boy sabi ko meron si JR. So ask nya agad kung pwede sya tomorrow morning 7:30am para mag extra sa commercial ng catsup. Sabi ko I'll ask first her mom kung pwede. After calling my sister, payag naman siya and para ma-experience naman daw ng bata malay mo madaanan siya ng camera makita pa sa tv. So payag na ang mommy nya yun nga lang ako ang yaya kasi may baby syang 3 months old syempre hindi naman pwedeng iwan yun. Natapos me makipag-inuman kay Gilbert around 1am and naka-uwi ako around 2am na. Diretso tulog agad kse dapat 5am gsing na ako kse sunduin ko pa si JR and biyahe pa kme sa location sa Pasay.

The following day, I woke up around 5:15am. Cleaned up Wacky and pinakain ko muna, took a bath and karipas na papunta sa house ng sister ko para sunduin si JR. Mga 6:20am na nang dumating ako sa house ng sister ko sabi ko mag-taxi na lang kami para umabot kami sa call time na 7:30am. Habang nasa taxi palagi kong tinatanong si JR kung nahihilo ba kasi baka magsuka. Sabi nya Tito saan ba tayo pupunta? at kaninong Birthday ba yun?. Anu daw? Natawa ako sabi ko sa Pasay tayo pupunta at hindi Birthday ang pupuntahan natin kundi shooting ng commercial. Tito anu yung Commercial? Ang commercial sa tagalog ay patalastas, ito yung napapanood mo sa tv kapag tapos na yung palabas. Katulad nung bulilit-bulilit, aarte kayo kung ano sasabihin nang director. Tumahimik lang si JR malamang naiintindihan nya naman ng kaunti yong paliwanag ko.

Sa kanto kung saan kakaliwa dapat ang taxi nakita ko na si Jaymie yung contact ko para sa commercial. So, bumaba na rin kami ni JR at naglakad na lang patungong Revolver Studio kung saan gagawin ang shooting. Dumating kami on time then may nakahain na agad sa breakfast para sa amin. Eat muna ng konti pakondisyon sa bata, kung anu gusto nya binibigay ko para hindi mag-tantrums later on.

Start na ng shooting binihisan ko na sya ng pang school uniform na binigay ng staff kasi ang set up nila nasa classroom sila. Mas excited yata ako kaysa kay JR, lumabas ang pagiging stage uncle ko. Nakakapagod kasi paulit-ulit yung takes pero mukha namang nag-eenjoy silang mga kids sa ginagawa nila. Alas dose na ng tanghali hindi pa din tapos ang shooting, break muna 1 hour para makakain and konting rest ang mga bata then shoot ulit ng hanggang 3pm sa wakas tapos na din at makaka-uwi na kami. Talent Fee nga pala ni JR is 1K, not bad.

DIVA - Beyonce

I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a, a diva

I'm a, I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a, a diva
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a

Na, na, na, diva is a female version of a hustla
Of a hustla, of a, of a hustla
Na, na, na, diva is a female version of a hustla
Of a hustla, of a, of a hustla

Stop the track, let me state facts
I told you give me a minute and I'll be right back
Fifty million round the world
And they said that I couldn't get it

I done got so sick and filthy with Benji's, I can't spend
How you gone be talkin' shit?
You act like I just got up in it
Been the number one diva in this game for a minute

I know you read the paper
The one that they call a queen
Every radio round the world know me
'Cause that's where I be

I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a, a diva

I'm a, I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a, a diva
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a

Na, na, na, diva is a female version of a hustla
Of a hustla, of a, of a hustla
Na, na, na, diva is a female version of a hustla
Of a hustla, of a, of a hustla

When he pull up, wanna pop my hood up
Bet he better have a six pack in the cooler
Getting money, divas getting money
If you ain't getting money then you ain't got nothing for me

Tell me somethin' where your boss at?
Where my ladies up in there that like to talk back
I wanna see ya, I'd like to meet cha
What you said, she ain't no diva

Na, na, na, diva is a female version of a hustla
Of a hustla, of a, of a hustla
Na, na, na, diva is a female version of a hustla
Of a hustla, of a, of a hustla

Since fifteen in my stilettos been struttin' in this game
What's your age? Was the question they asked when I hit the stage
I'm a diva, best believe her, you see her, she getting paid
She ain't callin' him to greet her, don't need him, her bed's made

This is a stick up, stick up
I need them bags, uh, that money
A stick up, stick up
You see them ask, where that money?

All my ladies get it up
I see you, I do the same
Take it to another level
No passengers on my plane

I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, hey
I'm a, I'm a, a diva

This is a stick, up stick up
I need them bags, uh, that money
Stick up, stick up
You see them ask where that money

Na, na, na, diva is a female version of a hustla
Of a hustla, of a, of a hustla
Na, na, na, diva is a female version of a hustla
Of a hustla, of a, of a hustla

I'm a, a diva, I'm a, I'm a, a diva
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, I'm a, I'm a, a diva
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, I'm a, I'm a, a diva
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, I'm a, I'm a, a diva

I'm a, I'm a, a diva, I'm a, I'm a, a diva
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, I'm a, I'm a, a diva
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, I'm a, I'm a, a diva
I'm a, I'm a, a diva, I'm a, I'm a, a diva, hey

My baby

i miss my baby wacko. we used to sleep together kaya lang napupuyat ako, malikot kse matulog sa kama and nanggigising sa madaling araw para mag pee. kaya dun muna sya sa terrace. matagal tagal na din and pinagsamahan namin ni wacko more than two years na. Nandyan yung time na sobrang malungkot ako pati siya ganun din nararamdaman nya. kung anu nararamdaman ko ganun din sya. dinadamayan ako pati ang hindi ko pagkain hindi din siya kakain, ginigutom nya din sarili nya. nandyan yung time na wala akong makausap siya lang palagi ang nasa tabi ko. nasanay na nga din ako na uminom ng beer na sya lang kasama eh, si wacko naman namumulutan din. next week promise ko sayo tabi na ulit tayo matulog. miss na kase kita.

History Repeats Itself

I was in a bad mood two weeks ago, as in sobra para akong sasabog sa kabwisitan gusto ko syang banatan, sapakin at patumbahin sa opisina nya para ipamukha sa kanya kung sino kinakatalo nya.

He used to be one of my bestbud dito sa company, eventhough magka-iba kami ng department we make it a point na every lunch time nagkikita kami para magyosi and kuwentuhan or kung hindi naman chikahan sa telepono. Matagal na din kami magkakilala since 2001, we first met dun sa isang company kung saan mag-officemates naman kami. I believe I treated him very well, lahat lahat ginawa ko kase nga were bestbuds. Sa gimik, sa trabaho, personal problems I'm always there to listen and helped him. Kaya hindi ko maintindihan inspite of me being helpful and dependable friend eh tataluhin ng kaibigan.

Nag-away na din kami dahil sa isang lalaki when we were in the other company. I had this prospect and he has his own also. Malaman-laman ko na lang na nagda-date na pala sila nung prospect ko. Ano ito sulutan? Initial reaction was ok lang pero in the process hindi pala. So, hindi ko na siya pinansin and it took us several months na hindi nag-uusap. All of our friends were saying na lalaki lang yan and ang lumalabas na may kasalanan ako pa, kasi ako yung ayaw makipag-ayos sa kanya. Since nanghihinayang ako sa friendship and sa pinagsamahan namin, nagkabati din kami. I ask him na mag-inuman ang forget about everything.

Until last March, I again had this prospect and he knows how I like the person so much. But, ganun pa din parehong-pareho style, same strategies, same ways. The guy was texting me and telling me that my friend was texting him. So to my dismay, I kept distance to both of them. I don't want complications and confusions kaya pinabayaan ko na lang sila, I don't know kung naging sila nga or whatever. Well, history repeats itself. ika nga
At first nag-uusap pa kami ng used to be bestbud ko pero siguro naramdam nya cold na ako. I try my best na maging civil and not to comment or talk about the issue. Until one day, hindi na rin sya nagpaparamdam, he never text me, he never visit and pick me up here in the office para magyosi. So, nagtanong yung bestfriend-officemate kong girl kung what happened. I just told her lahat, I think naintindihan nya ako. Even, sa lahat ng kakilala namin sa company was asking what happened. I just told them nothing, nagkaroon lang kami ng misunderstanding period.
So ako, cool lang ako sa office pero syempre deep inside sobrang disappointed and masama loob ko sa ginawa nya. Pero tahimik lang ako.

Days passes, I've been hearing not good things about me na galing sa kanya. Nagco-comment sya sa mga kaopisina ko, syempre ikukuwento nila sa akin at napapahiya ako. Ako naman palagi kong sinasabi na wala yun, magkaka-ayos din kami soon. Never akong nagsalita about the real issue or anything againts him sa lahat ng nakakakilala sa amin except sa officemate ko lang na gurl na nasasaktan ako sa mga sinasabi nya. As if, sa dami-dami ng narinig ko at patutsada nya hindi na kami magkaka-ayos pa.
Even sa manager nya nagkukuwento siya. Sabi ng manager nya na wag daw namin pagtalunan ang iisang lalaki, napakaraming fishes daw in the ocean. Hindi pa din ako nagsalita pero sa isip-isip ko bakit ganun kung anu yung gusto kong isda pilit nya ginugusto din. Mukha na namang masama ako kase ako yung pinagsasabihan.
Hanggang sa nakatanggap ng txt message yung bestfriend kong gurl coming from him, na nagco-comment na naman ng hindi maganda. Pinabasa sa akin syempre, hindi muna ako nag-react tumahimik lang ako. Sabi ni gurl himala wala daw akong reaction, ang hindi nya lang alam kumukulo na ang dugo ko nagtitimpi lang ako. Sa sobrang galit ko gusto ko talagang sugurin sya sa opisina niya, magkapahiyaan na, gusto ko siyang gulpuhin, hanggang sa sinabihan ko yung mga officemate ko na wag siyang magpapakita at sasalubong sa dadaanan ko kundi uupakan ko talaga siya. Lahat takang taka sinabi ko na lang masyadong matalim dila niya.
Nag text ako sa kanya "HOY P.I. KA INAANO BA KITA, KUNG ANU-ANONG KUMENTO NARIRINIG KO SAYO BAKA GUSTO MU SUGURIN KITA OPISINA MU AT MAKITA MU HINAHANAP MU." finally nagsalita din ako.
Galit na galit ako pero nagpipigil ako kasi kilala ko sarili ko baka kung anu magawa ko sa kanya.
Ewan ko lang kung makuha pa nyang magkumento na laban sa akin. Takot lang nya.

Last Sunday morning binisita ako ng elementary friend ko sa bahay, as usual walang humpay na kwentuhan hanggang sa kamustahin nya yung common friend namin. Naikwento ko sa kanya lahat ng nangyayari at naalala ko nangyari din pala sa kanya ito last January. Kaya mas lalong napasarap kwentuhan namin. Hanggang sa ma-realized ko na lahat ng gusto ko mapa-bagay man, lugar, or pangarap ko sa buhay ginagaya niya at dun ko naintindihan na pati pagpili ko sa lalaki eh ginugusto din nya. In short nai-inggit pala sya sa akin. How pathetic he is.
Nanghihinayang ako sa pingasamahan namin. Yung unang insidente pinagbigyan ko na, ngunit sa pangalawang pagkakataon ayoko na. Abusado naman sya.

Tao lang po marunong din magpatawad pero hindi kayang lumimot.

A(H1N1)

There are 8 suspected and 1 confirmed patient with A(H1N1) here at the hospital. Scary, so I have to wear a surgical mask and to take vitamins regularly to strengthen my immune system.

I had a bad dreams

Last night napanaginipan ko, may mga taong pilit binubuksan yung pinto ng bahay namin and sa tingin ko mga magnanakaw sila. takot na takot ako at nagmadali akong isara at i-double lock yung pinto and nagsisisigaw ako sa bintana na halos mamaos ako. humihingi ako ng tulong sa kapitbahay pero parang walang nakakarinig sa akin. I feel helpless sa panaginip ko hanggang sa umalis na lang yung mga magnanakaw kase hindi din sila makapasok.

Heto, yung na search ko sa net interpretation of dreams, totoo ba ito? what do think?

From www.dreammoods.com

Burglary
To dream that you have been burglarized, indicates that you are feeling violated. You feel helpless in some situation. This could be due to a major change in your life. The dream may also occur as a result of being burglarized in real life and symptom of post traumatic stress.

Scream
To dream that you are screaming, symbolizes anger and fear. It is an expression of your powerful emotions which you have kept pent up inside. If you try to scream, but no sound comes out, then it indicates your sense of helplessness and frustrations in some situation. No matter how hard you try to get someone's attention, they cannot hear you. It highlights your difficulty in communicating with this person. You need to immediately identify your fears or feelings and confront this situation in real life.

Scared
To dream that you are scared, indicates that you are experiencing self-doubt and feelings of incompetence in your waking life. You may be feeling a lack of control. Perhaps you are having second thoughts about a decision you have made. Anger often masquerades as fear, so also consider issues about which you are angry about in your waking life.

Just a Memories

June 2, 2009

It is suppose to be our 2^nd year Anniversary today. But, unfortunately were not together anymore to celebrate this day. Sigh….

The first time I bumped into him was at the mall, my knees are shaking and I couldn’t bring myself to speak - just a nod in recognition. Truth is, I have a lot I want to say. I know it’s too impossible to bring back what was once was. Again, we accidentally see each other at a bar, my feeling was okay but to him, he looks at me as if I was a stranger. I don’t know if he’s bitter, but I guess.

Yes, I admit until now I still misses him. I miss everything about him, especially during those moments were together I think maybe it’s because of the memories. I know by now I’ve already moved on and honestly it was too difficult for me because I was the one who’s left behind. I’ve done so many things to cover up the heartaches and to start my life being back to normal and single again. As I surpass loneliness, emptiness, sleepless nights, and sorrow. Now I can say to myself I’m whole again and I’m back to who I’m really is.

PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME - PINK

Please Don't Leave Me lyrics

Da da da da, da da da da
Da da da, da da
Da da da, da da

I don't know if I can yell any louder
How many time I've kicked you outta here?
Or said something insulting?
Da da da, da da

I can be so mean when I wanna be
I am capable of really anything
I can cut you into pieces
But my heart is broken
Da da da, da da

Please don't leave me
Please don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this
Please, don't leave me

How did I become so obnoxious?
What is it with you that makes me act like this?
I've never been this nasty
Da da da, da da

Can't you tell that this is all just a contest?
The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest
But baby I don't mean it
I mean it, I promise
Da da da, da da

Please don't leave me
Oh please don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this
Please, don't leave me

I forgot to say out loud how beautiful you really are to me
I cannot be without, you're my perfect little punching bag
And I need you, I'm sorry
Da da da, da da

Da da da da, da da da da
Da da da, da da
Please, please don't leave me
(Da da da, da da)

Baby please don't leave me
(Da da da, da da)
No, don't leave me
Please don't leave me no no no

You say I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back
It's gonna come right back to this
Please, don't leave me

Please don't leave me, oh no no no.
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this

Please don't leave me
Baby, please, please don't leave me